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Want to be a pioneer in Teslerian energy? Interested in using the latest technology to treat mental illness? Then join us here at Celestial Heights Lunatic Asylum where we can offer the finest specimens for you to work upon. Celestial Heights is exclusively for women suffering melancholia, fainting, and other nervous disorders caused by modern stresses such as reading, travelling, and independent thought creating. We are seeking doctors to provide a firm, paternal figure in their lives in order for them to regain their sanity. If you are looking for a challenge and the chance to work in a fast paced and ever changing environment, then look no further than Celestial Heights Lunatic Asylum.

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Prospective applicants will be working with our patients in an intimate manner and must have previous experience with calming mad women or beasts using excessive force. A background in treating lunatics is desirable but not essential as we will offer full training in lobotomies and using the Teslerian shock machine (patent pending). A good knowledge of the female body and maladies which only affect the weaker sex is also advantageous, but again not essential as there will be chances to explore patients whilst training.

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The Teslerian shock machine (patent pending) is the brainchild of Celestial Heights’ very own Dr Henry Hardcastle. It passes a major Teslerian current through the patient, completely transforming them, from aggressive and frightened, to calm and almost human like. With the invention of this machine, patients are no longer a danger to themselves or to the doctors. We have the ability to control patients easily and efficiently without the need for inhumane treatments which other institutions are in favour of using, such as solitary confinement. Here at Celestial Heights, we are at the very cutting edge of medicine and technology, and prioritise the safety of our staff.  

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Celestial Heights is a stunning example of a medieval hall in the Brick Gothic style, complete with extensive formal gardens which stay in bloom for nine months of the year, and are for the private recreational use of our doctors. Your comfort is our priority at Celestial Heights. Each resident doctor is treated to their own set of apartments, encompassing a bedroom and a parlour, along with their choice of patient to be their own personal maid. At Celestial Heights, we believe it is important to instil a good work ethic into our patients in order to strengthen their minds, as well as keeping standards high for our staff.

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If a career at Celestial Heights Lunatic Asylum interests you, but you do not have the qualifications to join our specialised doctor team, then worry not as we are looking for porters as well. As a porter, you will be in charge of locking patients in their room at night, and escorting them to their appointments with the doctor, as well as assisting doctors with examinations and treatments. This is a position which commands respect as you will be placed in a role with a large amount of responsibility and trust. Through outstanding contribution, you can easily rise to the rank of doctor very quickly. Our own Dr Henry Hardcastle started his career in asylums as a porter and is now one of the country’s leading researchers on the practical uses of Teslerian energy.

 

Celestial Heights – the home of modern medicine and the birthplace of the Teslerian shock machine.

 

To apply for this post and for enquiries, please send your name, address and references to:

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The Offices of Dr Henry Hardcastle

Celestial Heights Lunatic Asylum

Yewwood Wells

West Spindlegarde